REFLECTING ON A LEDGER (R.I.P.)

Sorry if I make this Blog about the death of Heath Ledger all about me BUT this is my Blog so I have to do me Right?

I want to send out my respect for the life of Mr. Ledger. Mister because I don't know him. I never met the Man, never watched any of this film (that including Brokeback Mountain), I didn't even know he was an American Transplant from down under. And although he lived in the same town as I, I really doubt he took a trip Uptown to hang, chill or even concern himself with the plight of the Black and Brown people BUT he is a Human Being and deserves the respect that comes with LIFE given to him by GOD or whatever Higher Power he believed in.

As part of my Faith, DEATH is a transition. I don't fall out on the ground or drop mixing bowls screaming DAMN DAMN DAMN! For the most part, I sit back, say a prayer for the person's past life, reflect on that person’s life, pray for the family of the person and forgive and or bless them for their trespassings, reflect again on that relationship, and then send the soul off into the next transition with a closing pray. Then I move on with MY LIFE. No tears, no pause and no stress. It sounds a little cold but DEATH should not deter a person from living, if anything it should accelerate your appreciation of life thus the Reflection of the person’s existence while alive, the family and their spirit. All of this traditionally happens within my family within 24 hours BUT modern society allows for 3 days.

As a child I never was inundated with a lot of personal death of family and friends. Call it a blessing or an urban charmed life but my family, for the most part lived a decent life and avoided many of the tragic events that effect Black and Brown people living in urban areas. Granted we have all the precursors for stress and eating related ailments, we as a whole, do keep breath in our bodies very well.

So in saying this, why talk about Heath Ledger? Well, in my reflection (and the over reporting of the boy's life) , Mr. Ledger died "allegedly" of an accidental mixture of prescription and non-prescription drugs. One of those drugs was to help him sleep. He had complaints that he could not sleep. He became a night owl and the conditions of not sleeping had affected him seriously. Mr. Ledger had told (and I hate third party stories -- so full of gossip) an associate that he often felt anxious, exhausted, irritable and his mind, when his body was at rest, raced with thoughts and ideas often preventing him from sleeping. When he did sleep, he averaged 3 hours.

BAM!!

That is me most of my life. I find that I go through phases where I can not sleep at all. I have not made concern of it because it’s been this way for me since I was a child. I think my father had this same condition as well. I know that at its worst, I was in college and would go 24 hours without any sleep and then would nap HARD for about 3 to 4 hours and be fully refreshed and functional. I use to joke about having Vampire in my family and usually was a running joke for all of my friends. I would even have associates that would party and club all night then call me to hang for breakfast knowing not only that I would be up, but down for a FREE breakfast at 4 am.

The work I often did was graveyard or one that would or potentially be an on-call 24/7 job. At my worst, I would do an 18 hour day for 3 weeks straight; 1 week off where I'd go into a coma 5 of those 7 days. Now you'd say I was crazy BUT I made "stupid" money and it was my lifestyle (mind you it was during the CLINTON YEARS when Brothas worked and got PAID).

I think what got me through many of those sleepless days was the fact that my MIND, as active as it was, had an outlet. Being a writer, I have had many days when I would sit at a desk or table with pen and paper (fingers in keyboard now) and write without being conscious. Come back days later and say, "DAYUM, WHERE THE F@#&% THAT COME FROM?" There was also the fact that I READ a lot. Magazines, books, comics, newspapers, journals and with the Internet my mind had something to work with beyond my bookshelves. When I was shallow, I joined a 24 hour gym or I'd go for a 3 to 5 mile run. Bottom line I had resources to release whatever energy that kept me from sleeping.

Is that always a good thing, the NOT SLEEPING? Not really. You need to sleep because SLEEPING is a form of healing for the body. Healing for the mind, healing physically and spiritually and yet like a smoker needing to quit, I just can’t do it.

Now here is the irony, when I do sleep, DON'T YOU DARE WAKE ME! I am so EVIL is my sleep is interrupted. Why, because I love sleeping. Since I don't do it often, when I do get to experience it, I sleep hard, deep and long ..... IT BECOMES MY MENATL SEX. And no one wants to be interrupted during SEX.

My reflecting of Mr. Ledger's life has given me pause to consider that I might need to re-examine my lack of sleep as a condition related to something NO YET SEEN. Maybe its also a blessing that since I don't take drugs and blessed to be in my right mind, I have side stepped the potential of going out BUTT ASS NAKED with all of the WORLD watching.