Tuesday, February 12, 2008


I have pissed off quite a few people in my life, family included. It was never over anything like a physical fight or money issues. Nothing like a Jerry Springer moment or some crazy Black girl Maury Povich capitalized on accusing me of being her Baby Daddy, my disgruntle people all had an issue with my ATTITUDE.

Every time I hear that I laugh (which by the way people HATE so try not to do that when someone is yelling at you about having an attitude problem) but I can’t help but think to myself, “A don’t have an attitude, you’re just too emotionally preoccupied to see that I am a very simple person to figure out.” Honestly, I am a very simple person to figure out. On first meeting I will tell you that I AM A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY TYPE and I have no shame for being that way. It is my make up. It has helped me achieve great things as well as recover from great losses and yet when I just “exist” I am confronted on so many levels to CHANGE.

I decided to Blog about ME because I keep hearing the word of the year, “Change”. Course Change, Political Change, Change in the Economy, Change in Leadership and now I hear, “You need to change your Attitude.” And again I laugh at them when they say this. I will be truthful and honest, I tried to CHANGE but whenever I did, it was a disaster. I found that in my changes, I lost out on many opportunities in life while those that precipitated my need to change, BANKED BIG TIME. This can only happen so many times before one realized that this CHANGE for my goodness sake is only a ploy to subvert and or oppress the truthfulness in one’s self or in simple terms, CONTROL ME. OK, that was the Passive Aggressive voice saying that but for what its worth, it is true.

I looked up the psychological make-up of a Passive Aggressive and here is what they say:

1. Inalienable rights. Leisurely men and women believe in their right to enjoy themselves on their own terms in their own time. They value and protect their comfort, their free time, and their individual pursuit of happiness.

Translation: “You are selfish. You only do things when YOU want to do them.” And you would be RIGHT. My life, my time and my energy, which is all mine to decide who I want to direct it towards, with and or into. When I am sick with one foot in the grave, will you come help me out or look for a quick replacement? My Great-Grandma told me once, “Baby, are there any REAL EMERGENCIES in life. You are going to get to that grave eventually. How quickly you get there should always be your decision.” She lived to be over 100 year old People! She too was a Passive Aggressive.

2. Enough is enough. They agree to play by the rules. They deliver what is expected of them and no more. They expect others to recognize and respect that limit.

Translation: I don’t mind doing BUT recognize, don’t take advantage of a good thing. People will and often do without thinking or concern. Most often, they get into a rhythm of EXPECTATION. That this becomes your JOB or OBLIGATION to do these things. I cut you straight, “This is what I will do, tell me everything now so we have an understanding that this is all of what you want. No changes, no alterations, no last minute assumptions.” People around me take this as being annoyed or confrontational and not wanting to be bothered. Truth of the matter is I like my Peace of Mind and would like to know the amount of "energy" I will be extending for another person. Yes I bring it back to Me but guess what, it is about me when you are asking me to share my energy and focus on you. By the way, did you see the words “they expect” in definition #2? You thing the person who wrote that had some HATE ISSUES with Passive Aggresives?

3. The right to resist. Leisurely individuals cannot be exploited. They can comfortably resist acceding to demands that they deem unreasonable or above and beyond the call of duty.

Translation: “Negro I said NO! Don’t ask me No More!” This is my Classic Samuel Jackson Scenario. Bad enough parents do not set boundaries for their childen when enforcing limitations but these children soon grow into adults with that same mentality where they see no bounbaries in others. NOT ME. People get sensitive when you say NO. Momma would say, “The wonderful thing about saying NO, it requires no explanation.” How'd I found this out? I had asked my Momma for something as a child and she said No. I then asked, “Why not?” The answer was a knot on my head as a reminder that NO isn’t “maybe” or “might” or “I’ll think about it” or “later”, it was the force between an Immoveable Object and an Irresistible Force. Me wearing a knot on my head was all I needed in life to know about saying NO and meaning it. Also, saying NO is liberating. It really is. I see too many people saying, “I really didn’t want to do this” or “I don’t know why I agreed to do this?” I just say to myself, “You the fool, should have said No and been done with it.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I have done things that I didn’t particularly care for, favors even, BUT I always looked at the BIG PICTURE; the expectations. Is this within the limits of what I am comfortable doing. If it isn't, I would not agree to it.

4. Mañana. Leisurely men and women are relaxed about time. Unlike Type-A individuals, they are not obsessed by time urgency or the demands of the clock. To these individuals, haste makes waste and unnecessary anxiety. They are easygoing and optimistic that whatever needs to get done will get done, eventually.

Translation: "You always do things when YOU want to do them!" Now Ladies and Gentlemen, I am NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL. But I can see how the perception of that can cloud a person's judgement if they are accustom to people jumping on COMMAND. Not me. I have respect for timelines and deadlines BUT if you do not tell me there is a time frame to what you want or let me know in advance of a time when you need something or tell me I need to be somewhere at an exact time for time’s sake or even give me something assuming that my personal priorities will be ignored for yours, prepare to have your feelings hurt. All things “ME” will come first; my faith, my family, my home, children etc. You cross that line with demanding or expecting me to disregard that, you and I can’t work together. EVER.

5. They are not overawed by authority. They accept themselves and their approach to life.

Translation: “I got a TITLE you got a TITLE but I know on either side, if we piss either one off enough, after work, ONE OF US WILL BE BEAT THE FUQ UP. So why go there? Respect that I have this job to do and I will do the same for you.” My favorite words on the job, “Work with me People!”. I tend to not be chummy after work with people. I mean I will attend the after work functions BUT that is just show, I rather be doing things that I enjoy with people I enjoy being with. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I read a book a while back by a Black author I can't remember specifically for Black folk. It was about 'How To Get Ahead in Corporate America: An African-American Guide to Success'. It told how Black people should get involved and play Golf and Tennis and Water Ski, Rock Climb, Throw Dinner Parties and get involve in White Corporate American's Lives (Translation: How to Kiss Ass and Get That Money). For the most part, the book had TRUTH to it. As Minorities in America, you have to do what the Roman do if this is what you want as being part of the American Dream. Guess what, I don't want it like THAT. Too often I have this conflict of interest because those that want THAT need ME to conform to more their agenda and it just doesn't happen. At least on their time table. That's the "aggressive" part in me I guess.

6. Wheel of fortune. Leisurely people believe that they are just as good as everyone else and as entitled to the best things in life. They maintain that blind luck often accounts for who fares well and who fares poorly.

Translation: "You get yours BUT don't come for mine?" Respect Me and what is mine and we are Good for Life. I work hard for what I have (even though from peoples' perpective I don't work at all). Try and take advantage, or do me in for something that belongs to ME and I go all DARK KNIGHT. I will command all the creatures of the night to get what’s mine back. I only want what is mine back. I personally don’t care about what is yours. If I don’t have it, own it, control it, can make it mine, or if I am not responsible for it, I personally don’t care about it. My World, my squire, my nut.

7. Mixed feelings. Although they feel impelled to proceed in their own direction, when their choices put them in conflict with the people they care for, Leisurely people are often of two minds about how to proceed. They do not like to risk important relationships, yet they need to feel free.

Translation: My relationships are important. I cherish them. When I loose them for something that I did due to my mess ups in life, it tears at me. My family, no matter how much they can get under your skin and work you, I LOVE THEM DEARLY, so when they suffer, I suffer as well. I am known to sacrifice for relationships and friends which has in the past, been my weakness (until recent …. I have officially evolved out of that stage never to return) since no one should “burn bridges” in life.

There were some more words associated with my Attitude Problem such as:
  • self-sufficiency
  • intense mental passivity
  • strong figures
  • strong organizations
  • social approval
  • social support
  • social acceptance
  • deviousness
  • evasion or circumvention of rules
  • delaying tactics
  • the line of least resistance
  • solitary pursuits
I gave into this along time ago. I think this is why I have an activist Persona. This is my Inner Truth and I accept it. I know who I am and when we meet, I put it out there. If you get burned along the way, all I can tell you is, “I TOLD YOU SO”. And you know, I will have to agree with all of it, like I said, works for me. Love me or Hate me, I am a proud, CARD CARRYING, SOAP BOX SHOUTING, YOUNG BUT GETTING OLD, MADE IN AMERICA PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BLACK MAN.


dejanae said...

aint nothing wrong with being passive aggressive
it's my thing
and for the record i actually read all of this long ass convoluted post
i think i deserve some credit for that

One Man’s Opinion said...

Great post. I never realized how much we had in common before. I am totally Passive Aggressive and change is not always good. I too have tried to change myself at times, especially as a supervisor, but I always regress to who I am. I guess, "to your ownself be true", because it is just easier to be you. ME is pretty damn good. I am nice, friendly and stick to myself. Over-all I am pretty damn fair and straight-laced.d None of that petty favoritism for me. When you try to change yourself into something that you are not you only end up confused and hurting yourself.

You know, people consider "Passive-aggressive" as a negative trait, but I think it is all in the way that passive-aggressive nature is used.

Shazza Nakim said...

Hey Dejanea stop "hating", u just mad cause I got you to slow down and enjoy a cup of Java and a Cookie while reading about my Issues ... lol

Serious though, I think people are sensitive all around .. we spend too much time tip toeing around every litte thing about people which keeps people from talking about "their" insecurities.

I have a few and if I can get them out, I know I can become a better person.

Mizrepresent said...

lol@Dejanae...i too started to just scroll down, but then found myself in so many of these explanations that i just had to read on...good stuff, and something to think about...but not for long...life's too short.