Saturday, February 9, 2008


I had published a while back about the Science of the Lie. It wasn’t something promoting lying but it was a social and psychological break down as to why people Lie. What prompt me to write about this vile practice was a group discussion about Politicians and Lawyers; how people presume that these professions require an artful degree of untruthfulness in order to effectively do their job. On one side to declared that to assume this was just as bad as those that practice the art of lying in any profession or position. Then there was the other side of the argument, those that promote truth and honesty and goodwill to all, have the best capacity to deceive and lie in good intensions and would never be looked upon as untrustworthy yet would never be looked upon as being capable of lying.

Needless to say I threw in a few professions such as doctors, religious figures, news media and family. The conversations at one point got heated due to strong beliefs and personal pains and yet the truth of the matter is, MAN has the capacity, regardless of position or purpose, the ability to LIE. And lie they do. If you want to expand on the "origin of the lie", you can research back as far as man’s early ability to note stories on stone walls and tablets. The first means of written communication and still you’d have to go further back when man began exercising his FREE WILL.

After that particular social event I continued on with some friends reviewing our experiences pointing out the superficial flaws of the others invited (as they more than likely had with me) and yet the topic of the conversation stayed with me enough to test my insights on what effects a lie have upon my life.

For me, the lie is more than on untruth or a “notch” on the BIG BOARD OF LIFE that would balance whether you’d get in Heaven or not. To me, a lie, especially with intent, is a conscious decision to do harm. A lie, unlike a physical blow, hits the soul. A lie is more like the difference between being upset or mad and being disappointed. To be upset or mad one can over come with a sense of resolution. Disappointment plants itself into the soul and lingers; body, mind and deep within the soul.

From a conscious liar, there is a deceit, a “resolve” to control an action or put off an action. It’s a control of motivation, willpower and determination. If you take it to a religious extreme, the one Being noted that uses lies for goals is the Devil or Archangel entity. Those lies spoken to the individual overall is to "manipulate" the force that is Man and control that “spirit” inside out.

Personally, even as a child, I never did like lying. As a child, lies were often equated to “broken promises”. What child hated broken promises? Those stories line as far and wide as the lie of deceit. I think as a child we have all had our share of each. For lying, it was always in the face of fear. You break something, the parent ask, “Who broke this?” You would hope that the “NOT ME” Sprite from Family Circus actually existed to blame, but they don't. Once the evidence was found, you knew it was a matter of time before you were found out and got THE BELT. There was no "Rod" spared in my household. (Yeah I came from a BEATING FAMILY.) It wasn’t until my studies in college on the subject in Personality Theory and Child Psychology that on the surface, people lie for three basic reasons, 1. fear of being hurt, 2. a personal fear of being inadequate, and 3. a fear of others discovering they are inadequate or what some refer to as SHIELDING. The over all reason for lying is FEAR. My eyes opened wide back then because I now had the keys for understanding why I had lied to my parents as a child because of stupid shyt like having people over while they were out of town or taking $20 out of the purse instead of the $5 that I had permission to take. It also made clear all the Blind Dates I abruptly ended because Picture Who didn’t match Person Ewwww.

I make it known that there are three things I do not tolerate in a relationship; friendship, relationship or family:

1. Do not lie to me
2. Do not lie on me
3. Do not use me in a lie to get out of something you did

These three Laws of Trust I hold as unshakeable principles. Bridging the Laws of Trust there are several more for Respect which are closely married for my Peace of Mind but right now, the trust issue is pramount for my thoughts right now. I have lost many associations with my ethics and often ask myself, "Am I asking too much form humanity?" I mean should I at least allow for the “little white lie”. Then I re-think that question and answer to myself, “No, I don’t even allow for the BIG WHITE TRUTH.” My understanding of TRUTH is like a straight line. It does not deviate, it's as simple a path as my journey in life should be. It doesn't waver, even for a minute. Lies take turns, they get bumpy, they go through tunnels and dark places where light gets dim and sometimes dank. I know the imagery is a little over the top but that is how I see Lies and Truth; as clearly as night and day. So when I am lied to, it is REAL to me.

Why talk about lies? Well right now I am dealing with a LIE that was masked in TRUTH sold to me in TRUST and I bought it. The price, according to my principles, was too high and now I stand in the position as my parents did, looking down at the broken Lamp and asking, “Who did this?”. I already know what the answer is. As an effective writer and researcher, you are taught never ask a question if you do not already know what the answer will be. Since I now know the "truth of the matter"; all I need to confirm is the intent. Was the intent a fear of being hurt, a fear of being inadequate or did the fear of being inadequate in their eyes, make them assume I would see their reality in a different way? In either case, the answer, be it in truth or another lie, I'll still be Disappointed and thus the actions of that lie has planted itself within my soul.


dalia said...

that was deep. this year, as a frequent purveyor of "little white lies"--a la "the bus was late." or "i didn't get that email." or "i couldn't make it 'cause i wasn't feeling well"--i've decided to always tell the full truth, depite how uncomfortable or unpleasant.

it's a difficult task, admittedly, because one never knows how deeply affected you become by those "harmless" lies, until one makes a concentrated effort to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but.

thank you for this.

Shazza Nakim said...

For now, its the lies that can cause serious harm to life and body are the serious ones. I have gotten to the point in my life where lies aren't placed in degrees and catagories. A lie is a lie. And truth not spoken when asked is, in my opinion just as much as a lie than a spoken lie.