Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I don’t have a very close relationship with my Mother. I mean I do have a connection with her. We talk and laugh; I am concern for her health and her peace of mind. Did I tell you we laugh? I can make her laugh in a heartbeat. All I need to do is remind her of my childhood escapades and the tears of joy and embarrassment will fall. She loves those moments. My mother loves our conversations about politics. You don’t want to get into a debate on Politics with her. At times I am held at bay and I have made Politics and Community part of my life. My mother’s history and experiences in the 1960’s makes her a wealth of knowledge and I think because of that, we connect on a cerebral level  and yet I feel that my Mother is more of a friend than anything else. If I had to analyze the reasons, it would most likely be due to my independent spirit. Compared to my younger siblings (me being the oldest), I never was a needy person, even for parents. Since 13 years old, I have worked, traveled, explored the World around me and when I would return home, it was understood that I was just being me having my space and privacy. My siblings seemed to need more of my parent’s attention and for me; I never wanted that type of attention.

Recently I spent some quality time with my Mother. I have noticed that there is a significant change in our relationship. It’s more “personal”. From what I am sensing, it’s more of an acceptance of getting old, the journey into the ending of one’s life and making the proper spiritual acknowledgment of it. Then there is me, the oldest, the one child that was there first, born and independent enough to be Son, Friend and Private.

Recently we walked and talked while doing our traditional exchanging of life stories when my Mother decided to tell me something very private. A family secret that she felt I was old enough to handle and accept. The news was unsettling and yet I wished that I was told the story years earlier but in my Mother’s collective wisdom, she may have been correct. Only GOD knows if she was right but in the event of that moment, my Mother asked, “Do you now understand?” I did and I assured her that I did but only on the surface. Deep down I struggled with this newfound information about my family and then I thought about how it wasn’t so much the information but the denial of that information for so long.

Several days later I see New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer standing before the press apologizing for his indiscretions with a prostitute. Now it wasn’t that he was standing before me looking POLITICALLY DUMB nor was it major news since in the past 2 years SEX SCANDALS were common place so one more politician getting his SEX on was old News. Also, when the breaking News prior was how the American Water system is contaminated with pharmaceutical drugs and hours later we are talking about BLOW JOBS, I am initially suspect about the timing, especially since WATER is Humanity's Lifeline. Then I heard asked from a woman Reporter that dreded question, “Why would Eliot Spitzer’s wife stay with him after what he’s done to her?”

I then gave long pause to her question of Mrs. Spitzer’s commitment to her husband and vows. I also recall that very same question asked of NJ’s Gov. McGreevey, NBA Player Kobe Bryant, President Bill Clinton, Comedian and Educator Bill Cosby and Sen. Larry “Wide Stance” Craig wives. I look back at all the comments and conversations surrounding the women of these men and what stood out the most were the comments from other Women. I found that Women are harder on other Women than Men and overall the uber ruthlessness sex of a society to condemn a relationship of sexual impropriety, a force often moved by the Women of society; especial if that relationship is tied to Money, Power and Influence.

As I flip the channel looking for follow up stories on the chemical poisoning of America’s drinking water, I get stories of how sad it is for the wife and children to go through THIS. The “THIS”, meaning a husband that is having SEX outside of the marriage. A common refrain, CHEATING, within relationships, is an act documented around the World and throughout History. The AFFAIR, just in American society alone, is a multi-billion dollar industry for entertainment's movie, television, talk shows, print media and song. It is the type of drama that jump starts our passions and pulsates the blood into overdrive. I am counting the days before I see advertised on a "girlfriend" couch session with Oprah Winfrey or a Barbra Walters special, both women jockeying on who can pull down the most tears for that exclusive with Silder Spitzer as she pushes her book on how her marriage was a LIE (because America really wants to know how another Woman was victimized by a Man of Power).

The media’s push to get an explosive reaction out of WOMEN, the on record voices of "The Sisterhood of Scorned Womens Club" gathering in Space and Cyber-space, the mounting of the Feminist Movement gathering their forces to trumpet their Independence and Free Will from Men and in my Man's Chair (the beat up old reclining chair) and you have me sitting quietly asking one question, “Isn’t this all a private moment between the Spitzer’s?”

I can speak personally on the subject of a family scorned. I am a survivor of divorce. As much as I hate saying that, it’s the best and only way to state that as a child, my parents separated and went their separate ways, me going with my Mother. Why I dislike saying that I am a survivor is that I never saw myself as a VICTIM.  To say that would mean I was in a state of mind of being helpless; which I wasn’t. I knew then as I know now, I had nothing to do with my parents separation. Sometimes a split can be a good thing, based upon circumstances and yet the seed left in my mind to contemplate is WHAT IF? What if things were different and my parents had stayed together? Would I have been the same person or different? Would my current relations or past relations had been different? As personalities are defined, we are a totality of our past experiences and physical makeup. We can never say we have no Past Experiences; it’s the unhealthy tweaking of those experiences that soft minds, not mature enough to handle those real events of their past, that can play havoc on people unless there is a structured lifestyle to balance it out. Since I had balance, I never felt held back from becoming a "normal", sane and productive individual.

I look at Silder Spitzer and I don’t even care how the media portrayed her as the wounded victim, how “drained” of life and how she looked (which I think is a shallow and weak politically correct way of stating that she is old and beat down looking), shocked and weak or how mentally she has live an illusion of self-determination, how fate has put her in this position, the sadness of being part of the Political Cheaters Club. No, I look at her and say to myself, "How do you address the breakdown in your family?"

It's obvious that the real PROBLEM in Silder Spitzer’s family isn’t the cheating or the prostitutes, but the nature of the MAN, her husband, Eliot Spitzer. It is apparent that his come uppings in Political Power is a HIGH for him, which required a prize for Conquest. The conquest or the quenching of that subjugation of his Power High which for Men is  SEX. Call it an "addiction", call it a "warrior's" ideology, call it just being a MAN, society has shown throughout history, religion, psychology, a ring full of gladiators or the innate nature of mankind, that this is how FIGHTERS are hardwired. Anyone knowing Eliot Spitzer, his background, his many conquests and accomplishments, a man who was on a FAST TRACK to the United States Presidency (with credentials far better than both Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama) is/was a Man of Power. Being the wife of a Man of Power, any woman should know that with Great Power, come Great Ambition and Great Ambition comes Greater Conquests … this including Women (or Boys for those that swing that way). It is no strange term to hear that someone was "Drunk with Power", will rise up too quickly, stubble and fall to soon have their significant other come with aid as the designated drive to bring them home. As the wife, it is her duty to be an enabler of that intoxicated behavior or risk loosing the benefits that come with Power. This is what the average Woman fail to understand and also is equally as hard for them to understand WHY THEY STAY.

My conversation with my Mother that day of sharing family secrets made this point REAL for me. Some people cannot sell their Soul for that type of POWER, to excuse Personal Responsibility and looking forward to teaching lessons of Accountability to her children. Some women can. Silder Spitzer in hindsight knew this although she was always uncomfortable with it. SHE KNEW this could happen. The question is what did she do to PREPARE and what will they do NOW?

It is often known that in matters of infidelity; Women are more forgiving than Men. This is due to how each view SEX in relation to the infidelity and the historical role of the woman in society. Women attach more ownership to emotion and Sex than Men so when an issue of cheating occurs, the most frequent question asked from a woman is, “Did you love her?” It is within the answer that a Women will build the determining “IF” the relationship can be salvaged. This is the real News and the area where most Women are interested in. Those MILIONS of women whom have been scorned by CHEATING Men have their scorecards ready. Some are hoping Silder can get through this affair for the family; others want her to get half. No matter how the Spitzer family resolves this highly publicized issue, the person who will get the most criticism will be the WIFE. Society will split their viewpoint of her being straight down the middle. She will forever be a DUMB VICTIM for staying and honoring her marriage vows by doing the following:

1. Accessing the Damage
2. Communicate (deviling deeper into what was said and not said)
3. Determine what’s missing in the Marriage and making changes (therapy)
4. The Children and what is best for them using the first three steps
4. Forgiveness (in order to move forward)
5. Trust

If Silder decides to Leave then she will be CHAMPIONED into the SHE WOMAN’S HATE MENS CLUB and go on to sell books, do lectures, talk shows, commentary for the next Politician’s Wife who is cheated on, a Victims Tour and just maybe she will RE-INVENT herself and become an individual separate from the embarrassment of Politics and yet she will still maintain the stigmata of a Woman who married for Power and lost it. Damned if you do Damned if you don’t. And to think that this is all about SEX. I know others will argue it’s about integrity, political harmony, the IRS, hypocrisy or maybe a little revenge but take away all the frosting on the issue and it is still about SEX. Politicians aren’t supposed to have SEX … not even with their WIVES. If this is the case Silder Spitzer’s reputation was doomed from the moment she married. Some families can handle this in private, as part of a family secret, some are cursed to live it in the public eye, I can honestly say for me, some family secrets, in a perfect World, can wait until you are ready.

By the way, I am still looking for the NEWS on the contamination of AMERICA’S DRINKING WATER. I haven’t forgotten.


dejanae said...

great post
i too say we're giving this story too much damn news coverage
move on
we've got more pressing issues

jjbrock said...

What a great article thank you. As a married woman my self for almost 21 years it is not easy but every woman must draw their own line in the sand.

I have read were some women don't see it as cheating but just a sex thing. When I see this I think about how white men once used black woman for this purpose and their wives didn't have a problem with it.

I am sorry but I have compassion for his wife it looks like pain to me. People are saying that she had to know about it,I don't know about that. We see what we want to see and that we don't we don't.

The media is a monster they are making young woman into a star which is wrong on all levels.