THERE GOES THAT CHURCH AGAIN

You know, I am hard on comedians that cross the line. Since the question is always, “Who determines the line and where is it placed for crossing?” is as much a matter of personal opinion as beauty is for a Mother pretending her ugly baby is cute. Now that was supposed to be funny but for those Mothers out there with ugly babies, its personal and I am sorry.


You see, for saying something like that, and “Me” not being a comedian, I’d have to apologize for offending people with slighted feelings. As much as some people would think that was funny (and some of you are still laughing) it isn’t right to place judgment on people. Call it Karma, call it respect, call it the uniqueness and variety that make up Humanity, you often get back whatever energy that you put out in the Universe although I have yet to see many comedians get back in “spades” what they put out there for laughter – unless you are Flava Flav. Again, that was a joke.

So what’s the big deal about what is funny? Some would say to do that you need to have a license to be funny, a track record for knowing when and what to say or "timing", a PhD in the area of the Punch line, a working knowledge in being quick on your feet. Like the thousands of people who audition for American Idol each year, we get to look at them all and shake our heads and say, “Oh no she didn’t just sing that? Why?”

We get hit hard with the “Slippage of the Lippage” (I just made that up so you all better pay me if you try to use is as a new catch phrase like Billery or Bradjolina) and when Non-Comedians try to be funny (i.e. politicians or your drunk Uncle Tommy) the results can be often damaging. We all remember the "Macaca" scandal by ex-Senator George Allen of Virginia and his bid to be “funny”. His attempt cost him his seat in Washington DC and opened the door for a relatively unknown competitor to waltz into a relatively easy win.

Even comedians can “cross the line” of Political Correctness. Cross it so far that even fellow comedians can distance himself or herself in a “HOT OBAMA REV. WRIGHT MINUTE” (again another joke). Last I heard, Michael Richard, the fallen from grace comedian famous for his role as “Cosmo Kramer” on Seinfeld, is now sitting on top of mountains calling on his Higher Power to get his “chi” back because somewhere between being funny and calling a room full of Black folk the “N-word”, he lost his MIND. And let us not forget the “Nappy-Headed Hos" and "Jiggaboo” comments from Don Imus. Although this was washed over the media as the sensation for the moment, the hurt still lingers in the halls of funny enough to see that the numbers of those that aren’t laughing are more than those laughing. In a Blog posting entitled “Punk Ass Damon Wayans”, I talked about how in his bid to be funny on the couch of The View, Damon Wayans evoked the Nappy Headed Hos comment and tried to justify its validity as a piece of Creative Comedy on a Daytime Talk Show created by a Woman, for Women and hosted by Women. With the couch shared by three other Comedians, his ability to escape intact was a miracle at best, BUT what was most important was that in his comments, there was no TRUTH to his justification. His time spent on the couch only came off as a desperate need to make a few dozen people begin a chain of uncomfortable giggles thus giving room and validation for others to follow in concert.

“It has been historically noted that the Fool, the Trickster, the Jester and other similar characters were always walking the line of social and political correctness. Even today we honor the kid that can make us laugh as the Class Clown. And that’s who comedians are, Clowns; people who wear masks to hide the truthfulness of both their humanity and ours. And in our laughter he subconsciously laughs at our strengths and weakness, the beauty and our ugliness. BUT you have to be funny with an underlying message to elevate society because that is ‘ART’.” – The Poet: Shazza Blog (November 23, 2007)

We now go back to the “Whats” of funny/satire vs. offensive/politically incorrect in society. It is safe to say that America, as a culture, allows comedy to dance on the line of acceptability and once you begin peeling back a few layers, deep within the cultures, funny is considered a “Blank Thang” with each ethnic group filling in the “blank”.

The cable channel Comedy Central has an array of ethnically diverse comedians that universally are accepted by everyone. You rarely, if ever, hear people say they do not like a comedian because they are a particular "Race" but more so because they are either Funny or Not. I would almost place bets that Comedy Central is the MOST ETHNICALLY DIVERSE NETWORK CHANNEL in existence for its purpose. You have Black, White, Asian, Latino, Native American, Old, Young, Men, Women, Blind, Handicap, Gay, Lesbian, Straight, Overweight, Overly Thin, The Beautiful, The Visually Challenged, Arab, German, Jew, Muslim, Atheist, The Political, The Anarchist, Red Necks, Rated G to Rated PG R and all making fun of you and all the socio-political groups that exist. Actually it is prerequisite to make fun of yourself before others. It’s in the "Official Rule Book of Comedians"; “Thou Shall Make Fun of No Man or Woman Before Not Making Fun of Thine Self.” So when you have a comedian come on stage ranting about others without first talking about themselves, we get a since of uneasiness and eventually reserve our laughter for someone a little more talented since this BUSTER is a HATER. And even with bad comics, there is always that “Shield of Anonymity” that protects the comedian from being called a Terrorist, Anarchist, Ex-Patriot, Racist, Sexist or any host of Anti-American sentiments.

“You see when you consider yourself an “Artist” you create for yourself a ‘Shield of Anonymity’. You pull this infamous philosophy provided by the Constitution and its FREEDOM OF SPEECH. Sadly to say, the Racist of our nation do it equivalently and or in worst degrees practicing the same rhetoric.” – The Poet: Shazza Blog (November 23, 2007)

So here we are again with Rev. Jeremiah Wright back in the spotlightt although not as front and center as we’d like. This time, the Man with the satire in question is another GUEST speaker of Trinity United Church of Christ, Father Michael Pfleger. Now I will be honest, I don’t know a thing about the man so I can’t promote myself to a place high enough to throw stones BUT I will say this much, from what I know and saw (in the sound bytes flooding the media like a monsoon in the Pacific Ocean) HE IS FUNNY. He’s funny because it’s a BLACK THANG and I wouldn’t expect Non-Black Folks (maybe some Brown Folk) to get it.

“I won't lie, I watched the Father Pfleger and found it funny, almost MAD TV/In Livin' Color funny but I will also be honest and say what Rev. Michael Pfleger preached (is) what and how BLACK FOLK think and talk behind closed doors everyday about this election so for Black people to be up in arms and pointing fingers at the MEDIA, we all need to OWN UP and Keep It Real. The way Black folk talked, voted, turned on Black politicians, Super Delegates, Tavis Smiley, Julian Bond and many others we need to watch out for all those stones we are dropping in the Glass House.” – The Poet: Shazza on Jack and Jill Politics (The Obamas Leave Trinity)

The reality of those not culturally connected to the stage in which Father Michael Pfleger spoke on would easily sit “stone faced” and “pruned” over the comments while Black folk laughed, bounce and cried tears of uncontrolled laughter on par with a SANDMAN SHUFFLE off the stages of the Apollo Theater. Most of America isn’t remotely knowledgeable of the going ons of what takes place within a Black Church and will not get the Theatric component. "Fair or Fierce", Black Churches sway, swoon, dance, cry, become inspired, laugh and yes, have opinions about Politics and Politicians. STRONG opinions. Black Churches can be ruthless in its HONESTY because it is the only place where Truth (regardless of one’s spiritual perspective) can be spoken without condemnation. The Church can allow for personal emotions as well as opinions to wear on one's sleeve for an entire community to share. Or so we (Obama) thought. Knowing all of this, we still have to ask the question, why was Father Pfleger funny?

If all the World’s a stage, then for Black folk that stage represents the Church; which for its people is the center of the Universe. What happens in the World and beyond is explained clearly and colorfully every Sunday on this stage. So why was Father Pfleger funny? Because on the Black Church stage, he had a license to BE funny. It is part of the formula which Black folk have embraced. For Black folk, it is human to laugh just as much as it is to sing and dance and cry and love and the whole range of human experiences held together with prayer. Some may find it difficult and even a bit alien to be part of a church that does not sit quietly and reflect but Black folk are active participants during Sunday services. Outsiders may think that Father Pfleger was pandering to the members of Trinity BUT he actually part of the norm of its expectations. As this Nation changes (really as it begins to open a book and or get over its “fear” of avoiding dialogue with people different from his or herself) you will find that the Black Church is traditionally NOT A QUIET PLACE or a place to wear masks.

I have watched as Jay Leno, David Letterman, The Daily Show, Dennis Miller, The Colbert Show, Jimmy Kimmel and others have begun their shows, dedicated whole monologues to ridicule Politicians more so Bill and Hillary Clinton for more than 20 years. Some have “crossed the line” of good taste and other jokes that are timelessly hilarious. The difference is that as a Religious figure, you are not suppose to be licensed to be funny, at NO ONE TIME EVER. Even if within the comedy, there is truth, it is taboo to place it, state it, do it from the pulpit. Not for the Black Church. Here, you use whatever tools needed to get the message of Truth out. If laughter bring you close to your truth, than so be it, you use it like a tool for building the gateway to the Lord. To ignore a sense of humor is a bold example for ignoring the grand design of human expression because even GOD has a sense of humor.

Am I saying what Father Michael Pfleger said was right? Well being me, and my political and social views on People of Color in America, I plead the FIFTH, but for being funny I would have been in the mix of laughing patrons. NOW if he was in any other church, speaking before a college graduation or at a Political rally my option would change but in the Black Church … I’m not so offended. I actually would like to have had an encore performance though, possibly with John McCain, George Bush, Condoleezza Rice or anyone with embedded rhetoric needing to get “Churched” on Sunday.

A BIRD, IT’S A PLANE, IT’S A FALLING CRANE

Years ago when I entered into the workforce post-Graduation, I couldn’t wait to start contributing to the American Dream (back then I was naïve and bought into the myth). I walked in willingly ready to be integrated into corporate culture happy to add co-workers into an expanded network of friends and as I met my supervisors and cohorts, my mind opened for this new information needed to efficiently do my job. So I sat. And sat. And sat often for hours and sometimes days until finally someone came along and dropped a pile of work in front of me and said, “These are due by the end of the day”, and then walked away.

As I sat there in my cubical staring at a pile of files I wondered with a blank expression and idle thoughts saying, “What am I suppose to do with all this?” I looked around at the other workers and thought I’d be proactive enough to ask for a little help. To my surprise, my under excited co-workers knew as much as I did. We all pretty much were flying wild in a random roulette of corporate bureaucracy. No one knew what they were doing and those that did, did not want to help or share. Here, in my mind, was the center of all backstabbing and hording, the very experience exercised in this particular Game was not taught in Business Classes in college. Needless to say, I became very disillusioned and thus the seeds to be in a better position, to move up or even out, coupled with a mean spirit to be "pro-active" taught me that there are differences in the Working World. I also knew this as well, Training and or Coaching was not and most likely will not be the norm. As a young man, I experienced this and as an old man it has been a consistent statement to the reality of the American Workforce. In mine and other experiences, Businesses expect its newly hired workforce to be pre-Trained in the labor requirements expected of them. Training means dollars spend and or loss. To do training means productivity loss. Training opens up the potential of free thought, criticism, question that will create footprints back to the source of Answers, it founds the knowing of the Whole Picture as oppose to the upper managerial Big Picture and to be honest, most people just don’t have the aptitude for training.

Training is only meant to define a worker as the “cog” in the machine and not to explain the nature of the inventor, so when a person comes into many American labor professions, it is highly desired that that person has enough “common sense” and or the ability to learn as they go it not only makes the hire desirable but preferable. Good judgment, the ability to follow instructions, a dorsal state-of-mind, a lateral sense of promotion and needed to work without conflict or challenge. In this environment “pro-active” decision-making breaks down the system and calls too much attention to honesty, transparency and accountability.

Why the intense scolding of the American Labor force? As recent at two months ago I penned the article, “Dropping More Than The Ball” where I detailed how a crane literally snapped and crushed an entire building in New York City killing seven (7) people. It was a tragic event, it brought about National attention. It set a “new” standard for construction and accountability for the Developers. People were jailed, politicians were removed from office, New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg made promises to add more funds to hire inspectors and then as most people who sit on couches, they tried to forget. Several weeks later, a Construction Worker fell to his death. We all took pause but didn’t really get involved. Then as I wake for more morning coffee I hear on the News, CRANE FALLS AND CRASHES INTO BUILDING.

I turned to look at where my DVR remote was thinking I had dropped it and turned on something I had pre-recorded. I mean I thought I dropped it and it began to play back the disaster of March 15, 2008 but then I thought to myself, “Self, you didn’t record that.” So I go back to the television and BEHOLD another crane takes out another building killing two (2). What was the saving grace that saved the lives of many more people living in the building was the time of the crash; 8:00 am, and the direction the crane fell in. Regardless of the event, ANOTHER CRANE had fallen on innocent people and now the demand to know what has going on would not be swept under the carpet. For New Yorker’s, THE SKY WAS FALLING ….. AGAIN.

While the media rushes to find that exclusive bit of information on what caused the crane to fall by asking the typical questions like, “who saw what”, “who did or didn’t do what”, “is anyone still alive or dead”, “why didn’t the GOVERNMENT do something about this” … my thoughts were on that I know was to be true, “were the people working trained properly in doing what they were suppose to do?” Much like the last Crane accident, the answer is NO. All the parties involved were not trained in the proper use and execution of their responsibilities. Corners were cut, people looked the other way, people were pushed through and promoted into areas not earned, there were lost of “that wasn’t MY responsibility and certain people were passed by who were responsible to the detriment of life and property. Some were contractors made into inexperienced CONSTRUCTION WORKERS and others passed themselves off as labors because they were able to “follow instructions” without question. All in all, these were all people pushing people into the sky to live above the clouds for those that can afford to live above the ants of the World.

Developers are pushing the limits and the people of New York are paying the price. Back in the 1990’s I worked Midtown during the re-vamping of 42nd Street when a crane fell from the current Conde Nast building while it was being build at a WARP SPEED. There was lost of life and property then and I began to be very wary of any construction site built in New York. Fast-forward almost 10 years later and the tensions for living and or walking near or under a Construction site with a Crane is a REAL FEAR for many people. Developers with their pressures to produce Tall Buildings without a single bound are cutting corners, greasing pockets, making political deals and I would even go as far as suggest having “illegal” connections to undercut costs on labor and product has pushed the limits to a point where their actions are exposed to the WHOLE WORLD.

Not long ago, Michael Bloomberg’s multi billion-dollar company, BLOOMBERG, had a series of construction accidents where people died and equipment fell from up high so one would think he of all people would make incidences like this HIGH PRIORITY.

People are outraged. The rush to push people higher and higher into the sky is an early wake up call for all New Yorkers. Personally, I have reservations and caution to how solid these newer buildings are. If the city can't have enough certified, responsible inspectors and officials to see to it that building are constructed to the highest levels and standards, how can a person give up trust to KNOW that the finished product is safe enough to reside within? We now know that in these Developer's care there is NO proper supervision. We also know that in this case, the Developer is a known abuser of the laws that govern safe construction. As my early coming into the workforce has taught me, I always knew that the lack of accountability, for training and any serious demands on labor’s highest levels of professional knowledge would be the countries undoing. From Construction to the American Presidency, the lack of accountable knowledge is tarnishing America’s competitive worth, prestige, property and life all is a single act. This accident is a pure example of how America does business and the World is watching and taking note. Beating deadlines and getting that bonus check is more important than doing it RIGHT with the Right Trained People and in REAL TIME.

THE TREE STORY

I am your father
and I do love you.
Not from my heart
but from beyond my soul
where you came from,
the light of an evening of hard sighs
and heavy love.
I watched as you grew
from my seed into a tree within a forest of giants,
you casting shadows long
but branches only coming near
the age of my existence.
Not here to compare
not here to condemn or compromise
the state of your being,
for branches stretched can never resume their original shape.
This much I know.
I do know.
I do know
I need you now for your love,
can you give it like an intense rain
a hard rain to wash over me
because my roots have been cut away?

Cut, dried, and poisoned by the very soil that gave birth to you,
leaves turned
and my bark rotted and chipped.
Can you give it?
Can you give it?

No longer can I protect you from a cold wind
so I ask,
can you lean against me my son?
Can you lend me some of your warmth
in exchange for a story of 'Old Eden'?

Can you close your eyes
and let the shape of my words fan the passion
of your heart,
into my spirit?

Can you grow beyond the dream my son?
Can you grow?
Can you grow?
Can you grow my son?


The Tree Story by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

A SCHOOL BELL MINUET

A common tale
of physical mutilation
of words gone bad
due to misplaced communication.
As Angels drop to their knees
and cry out with songs
while heaven collects the innocent souls
for all Earth's wrongs.
Who’s to say their place in Elysian Fields
are rewarding
when the space there
dwindles due to selfish hoarding.
And while the lives of others
are paved in preoccupation,
know it now that we all miss out
on our basic education.
Escapism has caused our existence to become
more syncline
reaching, tearing, and grabbing at what we think
"is mine",
giving no cause or reason
to taking theirs or everyone's.
Using subtle clues of destruction
more dangerous than guns.
Mindless,
our very own creation paints us a pitiful peon.
Light in pride, heavy with shame,
forever sinking in Acheron.
As it was on this day
and always in the future
cut downward over and over
like a cadaver's suture.
The idea, traced in colored chalk
by children in silhouette
dancing during recess,
a school bell's minuet.

A School Bell Minuet by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

A GOOD SHORT STORY

GOD turned the pages of life
and read my story.
It was non-fictional.
Told a story from sun up to sun down.
Read my every thoughts.
GOD skimmed silently over my every word.
Smiled when I took my first step,
Gasped when I fell,
re-read the part when I helped
Grandma Johnson,
with her grocery bags from the market.
And he shook his head and shed a tear
when I cursed for no apparent reason.

GOD knew the ending to my story.
He skimmed to its end,
and it was good.
But back to where he had stopped
GOD turned.
Continuing where he had left off,
thus bring me back to life

..... again.


A Good Short Story by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

MIDTOWN'S MEMORIAL

I was talking to a friend today about our Memorial Weekend. Since I usually go out of town to see family or just vacation, with a lack of dollars in the pocket we kind of just stayed local and enjoyed being home. So while on the phone I talked about how I spent time in the city with family and enjoyed a quick bite to eat and some Broadway’s Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, one of the hottest shows going right now. A stellar cast of All-Black actors, it was a feel good moment in time that you can brag out to your friends at work. I’ll tell you all about it someday but for now I want to talk about something that stood out more.

Walking through Times Square and 42nd Street my parent’s and I noticed (although not surprised) the number of people on the streets were significantly less. I mean on a typical New York City day, you had to muscle your way through Times Square just to get from one block to the next, now you could walk from corner to corner nearly unabridged. Try walking on a day, a weekend counting three days in a city build for millions of people to use on a day marking the beginning of the Summer Season, a holiday weekend that also entertained FLEET WEEK (several days of the Navy having full reign of the city), a weekend of perfect weather for SALES SALES SALES and you as a New Yorker can actually notice that there are a significant number of people missing? Reality settled in that the United States is in Big Trouble.

I will respectfully admit, I Hate Tourist but I equally respect that New York City thrives on a significant number of tourist dollars. To see people missing on the streets of Midtown Manhattan, much more, Times Square, gives worry that people can’t afford to be here even to just “walk” the streets.

The tickets my parent’s purchased to see Cat On A Hot Tin Roof were expensive. For my taste, a little TOO expensive even for a Broadway Play but as supporters for the Arts and of Black Actors, we contributed and yet I would have wanted to use that money to do other things more “cost efficient” but the tickets were a gift. I also know that even for me, spending MONEY is a serious non-option for doing anything. That day, I wasn’t sleeping on the fact that people are serious about doing the same. My friend that I was talking to was able to get a last minute flight to Miami and told me that the flight was wide open, pratically empty. No one was flying. Scary to think that while the airlines are going up on the price of fares and doing the nickel-and-dime tricks on people with extra fees for baggage, people are deciding to take the train and or staying home. I don’t blame them because even a "fool" knows when you are broke. My parents took the train into the city and left the car home. THAT WAS A SHOCKER because Momma loves her car.

Say what you like, we are on the turning point of a depression when one of your most bustling cities begin to look like one of your average cities or Small Towns effected by a deprived economy. I don’t care how many Television Shows adverting Real Estate Deals, Economist preaching that the economy is stable or Reality Shows showing how to become a Millionaire, for People, seeing the World on the level of Ants, there are no more crumbs to gather for the nest. It might sound a bit dramatic but in the eyes of the people, what seems to be left after this mess of an economy is Soylent Green. And we all know what that shyt is made of.

LILAC IN THE WIND

Lying in snow just above the knee
a lifeless corpse
after making its finale snow angle
stares into a star filled sky
eyes opened wide to full capacity
as if looking for heaven to fill its berefted vessel.
Possessing a serenity and peace of the ages
the body, like the air, was free.

Free from emotion,
of desire,
freedom from pain,
and a love once shared throughout the land,
it stared with hollowness at a million points of light
burnished by an arctic wind.

Dressed just as it was on the first day
skin,
color drawn
camouflaged by the very ground that held it
hair,
a total contrast
yet perfect
and lips
brick red
slightly parted as if they once whispered the one significant clue for
life and living
rhyme and reason
good and evil.

A moon, full and complete, clear as the day
danced a slow waltz over natures child
and the silence
playing cameo with the brush of a vacillating wind
orchestrating what neighbors would soon call
"a statement to a world gone mad".
And arms,
outstretched and wanting
--one hand open,
one hand closed
gripping with fingers a bit of reality.
A peddle of lilac.

A sudden rush
and it is gone,
blown into the air
to dance with a warmth that once kissed it to heaven.

Lilac in the Wind by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

How to End a Relationship - On A Positive Note

These are some of the ways in which a person can determine if their relationship is good, bad, or all out ugly to be in. Not all relationships are like Camelot nor are they like the classic romance novel or film. Some require little effort if at all. Others are a day in and day out challenge. Then there are the relationships that just are doomed to fail, with no fault of each party. How and when do you begin to gather the courage to end a relationship that does not work? This is a topic that this site will deal with as a way to help those in need of advice.

The beginning of a relationship can take anyone through a whirlwind of joy and happiness, but ending one can be pure torture as well. What each person must acknowledge is that once you understand the circumstances by which you are in that strained relationship, ending it is for the betterment of the other. In other words, “it has to end". How that is accomplished is a varied and non-scientific method but for the most part, there are some ground stroking roots for doing it without the danger of hating the very air that sustains life to the other. Here are some resources for doing what we would call the civil way of doing things.

Ending Relationships: Saying "Good-Bye with Love"

The following are the guidelines which will help you understand how to use this site's information.

• Definition of a Relationship and When You No Longer Feel "Good"
• Weighing the Risks and Making the Separation Work
• Third Party Involvement and the Knowing of What You Want

It is by human nature to be wanted by someone. The human need to be accepted, loved, a part of a group or social structure. For years, men, women, and children deal with the issues of acceptance of one's self, family, friends, and co-workers. The concept of self-identity and self-esteem has taken on a new and different image in today’s society with the growing number of get better/get personally healthy icons. Talk Shows and News Programs labor to keep pace with the needs of the people to know "What to do?" But sometimes it’s not a simple self-esteem issue but one of compatibility. Has someone forgotten that "Love Connections" are not always with the first, second, and sometimes tenth person you meet? Simply put, people do see relationships as a commitment of one's time, money, and efforts to be loved and or be in love. It’s because of this modern day philosophy that ending a relationship can often be difficult and often violent.

What is unique about relationships is that all parties going in know and accept that any chance of a love affair to flourish, WORK must me attained. For males, that is an alien concept, but none the less, it’s something that each understand and thus a commitment to at least try is made. The first sign (in the beginning of a relationship) of a potential problem is the "P" word. PROMISE. Never promise. Promises, like faith, are a tried, truth, and tested practice. Relationships are just as they are, "commitments". Faith is in what you ultimately believe in, not the purity of the soul. Example: you can not love your mate more than the Creator or God. Your mate is the by-product of your faith and your belief, the end result of being blessed. Not the factor of your existence. Also look at a promise much as you would equal to that of a lie. Lies are told only for one of the two reasons. One: A lie is told when a person is afraid of another person or the consequences of their actions or the others. Two: A lie is told when the person is uncomfortable with keeping up or maintaining a specific expectation for others. Promises are made in hopes of gaining continued admiration from others without proof or conviction much the way spirituality is to faith.

So in the beginning when one person to another indulges in the "Honeymoon Stages" of a relationship (the beginning of a relationship which can extend from 4 weeks to 2 years), promises of happily ever after is pursued through dinners, dances, movies, travel etc. At this point, you have to be real enough to know and or realize that this is a part of the promise. Once the "Honeymoon" is over, only the real person is left. Do you really like what you see?

The concept of love has many levels. The one I want to touch upon is that of the committed love or what I like to call the "I feel good" factor.

When a person is in love, or says that they are in love with another person, what they really are saying is that "I feel good about myself when I am with you." A quick example, if you dislike a person, you don't like the way they make you feel. Regardless if they are sitting next to you, across the street, or on the other side of the World, they make you feel bad. Feelings of stress, anxiety, tension, and pain, came to mind. All of these feelings/emotions are related to "bad" feelings and as a result you avoid them. In love, you are attracted to the opposite of those feelings and thus pursue them at all chance.

At this point, you may be asking, "Why on Earth should I be thinking about entering into a relationship that may have disastrous results?" Well to be honest, you don't know and that is the beauty of the socialization of love. The answer, of course, is that emotions, if properly utilized, can be a highly effective way of dealing with good feelings and understanding when they are not true and when they are compromised for the sake of a "promise' of commitment. (Note* When I state a promise of commitment I don't mean infidelity, I am describing the act of staying in a non-evolving relationship because of a "hope" that it will get better at the expense of each persons "good" health).

Definition of a Relationship and When You No Longer Feel "Good"

So far we have defined what a relationship is. Although there will be those that disagree but for the most part, there is a consensus that there are two people involved and that each must like, enjoy, or "love" the others' companionship. Mutual activities (i.e. social, spiritual, physical, intellectual, financial) must be to the liking of each person and deepens the bond. A balance of ideas, goals, and a bright future together are the premise by which each look forward to each day in their lives. If any one or more of the aforementioned is ignored, thrown off balance, or even challenged to any degree, a sense of tension is experienced. Its to the overall degree that we see a breakdown of the overall relationship.

To some, this would be a wake up call to solve the imbalance that one feels towards the other. This is also the time when the person(s) begin to examine the true nature of the beast they are now involved with, no matter how insignificant the matter is. The challenge to the other's sense of being has been addressed and a checks and balance of more than just actions are looked at, but character, morals, ethics, and most of all, emotional security on the violators part. In essence, "You are not making me feel good, emotionally". It is this point which can drive or stop a relationship in its tracks.

People, like all things, follow set patterns. Some are obvious. Others are very subtle. Yet as subtle as they may be, the things which we did not see (although they were there all along), rises to the surface and a sense of dealing comes into fruition. Compromise and acceptance are the ground rules for couples. In either case, each person must continue to balance the others needs. (Needs being only those things that are a necessity that is opposite "wants", those things desired). When needs are confused with wants, havoc in the relationship begins. How does one cope with this? Understanding that experiences are not new but are the physical makeup or totality of that person, and to change what is natural in that individual is an insurmountable task. Each time you try to change what is, by the very nature, a person's being, more tension, more stress, and more feelings of helplessness and sadness arises. At this point, you are not happy due to your lack of complete transformation and therefore re-programming the other fails. Your disappointment, the inability to change the innateness within your mate and thus the questions of self-change becomes the next issue. And since no one openly admits or wants to commit to self-change, a stalemate is made. In other words, the foundation is laid for an ending. The relationship must and will end.

So can couples just end their relationship amicably? You go your way and I go mine? It just might not be that easy. What if the other is still deeply involved? What if the person finds that the feelings you are having does not equal their own? In other words, they are still in love with you or you them. Separation then is not an easy thing to end abruptly. Sometimes there are other matters involved such as joint bank accounts, cars, apartments, homes, job and career investments, benefits and even children. What is a person to do?

To begin, you must understand what type of relationship you are in. There are many levels and degrees to relationships but to sum up the three most basic reasons why couples part are as followed:

Symbiotic relationships, or when one person lives and sets themselves up to live for the other, the bond is more psychological. The break up will strike up a psychological resonate which could keep a stressful relationship going when it should not be. The fear of a departure from their significant other can cause not only emotional damage, but also physical damage to person and property. A sense of vengeance and possible retaliation may and most often will occur.

Co-dependent relationships, there may be a sense of love and affection but the driving force is financial only in commitment. In these relationships, it may take the form of the following 1. The relationship is tied intrinsically to share finances. 2. The person (s) are committed to the other by assumed and actual personal investment (i.e. children, business, property), and 3. The relationship takes on a passive co-existence (separation) and often defines itself as an "Open Relationship".

Depreciated relationships, which begin as a good and vital union, soon begins to diminish over a period of time. Often ending in differences in personalities, outside commitments, or other unforeseen issues not related to the couples’ relationship to each other (i.e. moral or ethical conflicts, family, past physical or social issues, psychological trauma, health, financial loss). Often the parting is a result of unfulfilled needs and lack of a healthy evolution within the relationship. Often, these relationships end in mutual understandings or respectful practices of interpersonal relationships or friends.

Weighing the Risks and Making the Separation Work

The relationships with the most to loose when Separation becomes an issue are Symbiotic and Co-Dependent. Within each there is the potentiality of both physical and psychological damage. To think about relationships as healthy or unhealthy is a beginning for healing, but the actions taken to do so may be more traumatic and that the emotional anguish to do so could stifle its ending. Some steps are easier than others but for the most part, steps taken in the right direction will always lead you into a better state of mind/being.

The methods which people become intimate and break up are not always the same. Nor is it always as easy as it sounds. Some steps can be taken immediately. Others take time. Sometimes days, sometimes months and years before the relationship is finally over and closure is made. In Symbiotic relationships, the separations can be more stressful. Much like the saying, "caught between a thin line between love and hate", the move toward separation can lead to a very violent ending. You see examples of this in the media; reports in domestic violent cases, film, News and television where the persons involved become violent to a point where major hospitalization or even deaths have occurred. Suicide attempts and mediation (family, friends, law enforcement, neighbors), often are seen and sought out when these break ups occur. One way of preventing this is to begin to work the individual into a sense of independent.

Within the psyche of the Symbiot, the key to their existence is to live for and through their mate. Often, within the Symbiotic existence is weak self-esteem and a vacillation of self-conviction. That energy or lack-there-of is directed towards their companion and re-directed back. Acknowledgement of the fact that the relationship is imbalance is important when understanding how to end it. The relationship may have been ideal, even fun, but as relationships grow, they also change/evolve so as the relationship continues in a forward direction, the symbiot's needs becomes more intense/deeply dependent and the relationship becomes draining (socially, physically, emotionally and spiritually) on the provider. If not taken seriously, the person's very life's energy is drawn out and a deep depression occurs. Mediation and therapy is a good way to communicate this but it has to be done without malice. Again, key issues to keep in mind, re-direct the energy, and communicate, mediation, and balance. If this is not done properly, prepare yourself for a hating for love/loving to hate roller coaster ride.

Co-dependent relationships are material and opportunistic in nature. When advising people who plan on leaving this type of relationship, "Prepare to count your loses". This means that you will not end the relationship with everything you brought into it and will not be able to split everything down the middle. In essence, it’s the closest thing to "War of the Roses" as you can get without a marriage certificate. Although on some levels, the relationship is like a Symbiotic one, the main difference is that each person is seen as an individual capable of great things but occasionally needing the resources of the other on some level. Be it financial, social, physical, or spiritual. The end result is that each person receives something in exchange.

In Co-dependent relationships, the idea that two people will live happily-ever-after colors the reality of the relationship. Often times these relationships are rushed into and a sense of shared responsibility is at the foreground of their interactions (i.e. rent, travel, work, entertainment, catering and pets etc.) Also, in Co-dependent relationships, the initial beginnings may be that of personal gain but due to circumstances, turn into one that limits the mobility and fruition of what was assumed and then takes on a sense of complacency which only keeps the relationship going out of convenience. Often you hear that people are together because they know, "no one else is better", or the person will not leave knowing that "no one else will take shit like the one you are with". These are internal issues and beliefs, which places couples in Co-dependent dilemmas.

So how do you approach a relationship like this? First, know yourself. Communication and honesty is the key. No one does not want to be manipulated nor do they want to be used. Once the reality settles in that "people are not who they really are" and the things said, done, felt, and believed are "untrue", then you will harbor your need to protect, defend, and even acquire in order to capture what is intrinsically you and yours. The need to hold together a sense of who you are, based upon who you thought you were, will ultimately kick in and lines will be drawn. Misconceptions, falsities and fantasies become paramount in Co-dependent couples' lives and only those things that are based in reality (material items) become the equalizer. When joint bank accounts, homes, mortgage and leases, cars, businesses, children, loans, debts, and investments come into play, the holding of hostage those items either due to the other or in shared interests are at hand, bitterness and violence can and will occur. Which is why it is usually suggested that individuals should, " Count your loses" and let it go. In doing so, the significant other has no claim over you or your emotions and their need for revenge becomes mood for the things that were assumed the most painful or important to you now no longer matter. All aspects of the relationship becomes a moot point and the relationship or the connectivity to each other is suddenly and completely severed. Then and only then can the real business of departure and closure occur.

In the case of manipulation, it is the provider or initiator within the Co-dependent relationship (initiator meaning the person who is the main provider within the relationship), that may feel the most abused within the relationship. Depending to the maturity, the moral and or spiritual foundation of the parties involved, will determine how easily/quickly the separation will occur.

Third Party Involvement and the Knowing of What You Want

In all separations, third party involvement may be necessary and is encouraged. Not as an active participant, but as mediator and or support. Friends, if aware, can be brought into the middle of conflicts and social situation as mediator of situations that can in effect escalate into tension but if that third party person is of neutral character, the wisdom of truth can reach the ear of those that may not listen to their significant other.

Councilor, police officers, doctors, church representatives, neighbors and family are often people brought into intense full separations. But this does not have to happen if rules are discussed and agreed upon. In either case, support should be sought out when the actual Separation occurs to protect both parties’ interests. In the case of legal issues, a witness should be present by both parties and decided upon by the opposite's mate. This means that the friend (s) of the mate can feel comfortable with the end result. If the separation is one which is not amicable, then communication is recommended between the chosen third party representatives. Personal property, finances, and or the completion of commitments should be handled through third parties. When it comes to property and possessions, remember the rule, "Count your loses". This is why all possessions should be negotiated and agreed upon in advance. If the tensions for gathering those possessions are more than a person is willing to loose, legal matters can always be instituted. But if you can't accept to live without certain possessions, think in terms of your Peace of Mind and the limited amount of material items and move towards your third party support system.

Peace of Mind Publishings Inc. ©1999 Shazza Nakim and holds All Rights Reserved 2008

I AM NOT THE DEVIL

RELIGION. This is something I decided to Blog about. Some things happened not too long ago and with recent events in my social life and private, it seems like the thing to write about this posting. People who know me can respect that I am very Spiritual. I know Religious people don’t like to hear this and often do not respect those that Stand To Be Spiritual, as if being Spiritual was the gateway into worshiping the Devil or something more insidious.

I argue that the essence of Spirit is that Gift that GOD gives the individual Man and Religion is the piety that Man gives back to God for his spirit. In a perfect World this would be a simple exchange of gratitude but with the inherent flaw in Mankind, this simple exchange of sacred homage can never and has never been that easy, especially in a Nation where tolerance is suppose to be what everyone aspires to posses.

Not long go I had an online exchange. It just popped up on my screen while I was working on a Writing Project:

Internet Buddy: Ephesians 5:15 encourages us to “be very careful how you live, making the most of your time.” Each and every one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith. My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least four (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me. This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another
Internet Buddy: The prayer: Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen If the Lord lays upon your heart to send this to more than four (4) people, you are truly blessed
Me: You got something for those that aren't Christians to become inspired from?
Internet Buddy: Don’t worry ..... We all worship a faith, it was not to disrespect you at all ... just fill in what you need to fill in ok
Me: Not really. I have had this conversation with several people before ... I am not offended at all and I do agree, Spirituality is what it is .. I just notice that people whom are Christian tend to "assume" that everyone is of the same faith and when they are corrected ... it’s almost like a blow off that they could possibly make an error in judgment and want the “offended” person to excuse them for it and move on without learning.
Internet Buddy: oh no ... I know differently Man ..... no worries
Me: just opening up conversation. I'm not attacking or debating you; I just wanted to see if you ever thought about it or how you try to save heathen souls?
Internet Buddy: lol


This was where I took stock and though about the idea of challenging my Internet Buddy. You see, when you dance with the subject of Religion, you can come away from the battle beat down, bloody and often empty from the amount of energy behind it. All of this, as well as loosing a friend over something that intrinsically, we are all in agreement with. The hard part in challenging one’s norms with Religion is that when you hit the one spot where you can SHAKE the foundation, the panicle of one’s faith, you inject a fear deep into a mind, body and spirit of the individual, the collapsing of the underpinning of a body’s existence and then leave them abandoned in a wasteland of doubt. This is why people fight so hard to preserve their Religion. Who wants to be alone, abandoned, homeless and not able to find your way to GOD?

Me: I appreciate what you were extending to everyone you know
Internet Buddy: kool'
Me: but I am just saying, if I had sent you a saying from the Torah or Quran what would your initial reaction be?
Me: The initial reaction.
Internet Buddy: I would ask what it means?
Internet Buddy: People take thing too seriously yo
Me: Religion is personal.
Internet Buddy: I have traveled to many places, experienced too many cultures and backgrounds to disrespect anyone's believes
Me: Christians usually respond that way to non-Christians when they assume or cross that line and are challenged for it.
Internet Buddy: Always know this that everyone’s the same
Internet Buddy: and with that not all Christians think alike
Me: visiting other lands and cultures is one thing. Digging deep into the differences and applying it is another.
Me: Which is why some cultures are offended when Christians come into their cultures
Me: because there is always that need for conversion that comes with it.
Me: So like I said, I do understand and appreciate Spiritual lessons in faith BUT when it comes in a blanket assumption here in America ... it comes off offensive.
Me: I think I'll make that a BLOG topic for this week.


From the perspective of the non-Christian, the sense of being an outcast is as personal as a single minority in a room full of a majority. Oh, the person may be assimilated into the crowd and fit in but the reality is, you know you stand out like a neon light in the dark and as long as you keep the light off or at a low ebb, you won’t be noticed. That’s just how the majority would like it to be. If a person can't be Christian in America, one needs to accept it, consider changing that little defect in one's character (or BURN IN HELL) or be out of sight and mind.

When I was younger, I would be un-easy when I had a Christian approach me with ideas of converting me into a flock or bosom or a grace assigning me a pew all my own. I would sit silently while they recited passages from the Bible with the word of GOD washing over my conscious. And out of my “respect” I would listen knowing I had no intentions of going through the conversion since I knew my Spirit and my Religion was well established. At no time did many of the “converters” asked if I had an established BELIEF or opened up with dialogue about faith and religion just to see if I even had a SOUL needing saving. Years later, I became bold enough to shut it down from the gate. I once had an encounter in a steam room after a long workout at a gym in Chicago where a well to do Black Man and his friend opened up a conversation with me. I am usually the silent type after a workout so initially I wasn’t in the chatting mood, but again, out of respect (and the three of us being the only Black folk in the whole place) I engaged. As we talked for a minute, out came the pitch, “Tell me, is Jesus Christ your Lord and Savior?”

I responded, “No he’s not”.

With that response I might as well had my head spin on the axis of my shoulders and spit pea soup. The mood in this 100 plus degree steam room suddenly became chilled like the tip of the South Pole because in their eyes, I would not leave that room until my SOUL WAS SAVED.

“And why not? Do you know who Jesus is?” the Older of the two addressed me.

“I do. I am very aware who Jesus Christ is.” I commented back while whiping sweat out of my eyes, "He just isn't my Lord and Savior".

“Oh my Brother, you don’t know who Jesus is or you would not have said what you said.”, the Younger Man said moving closer to me.

Now for the next 15 minute (mind you, I am in a steam room loosing a pound a minute) as the two tagged teamed me into turning away from my "wicked" ways. I was told every story worth mentioning of Jesus, his sacrifice, the soul savings, Black Peoples fundamental allegiance to the Son of God, how Jesus speaks to the Body, Mind and Soul of everyone, how my very salvation and admittance into Heaven was based upon my acceptance of Jesus in my life. By the time I had gotten to my level of tolerance from the heat of the room and my interrogation, I decided to excuse myself from the room, which originally was a metaphore for taking me to Heaven but ended up being my Seat in Purgatory, but before I did that I said the following:

“You know, I do respect the fact that you are dedicated to your faith but did you in your pitch to gain one more member for your church and another notch on the soul saving list “ask” me what my faith was? No. You didn’t. You just assumed that I was a heathen, a zealot, agnostic or didn't believe in GOD, which I am neither.

Just to enlighten you, I have an established faith that I have practiced since I was consciously aware of as a child. Even more so, I have gained great praise, blessings and total awareness of the World around me and I don’t see any need to change it. Especially since in my FAITH its tenets is that of NON-CONVERSION; the example of living by example is its only conversion. This is the respect it has giving me, of myself and of other religions for in my faith, as long as you ACCEPT GOD and put it before all others, you are following the Creators WILL. I know Jesus, I acknowledge Jesus, I respect the words of Jesus and his place in my faith but GOD is the ultimate LORD over me and is my only Savior.

So let me leave and go cool down outside and when I do, I’ll come back and continue our discussion on Faith and Reasoning.”

I exited and while downing a bottle of water, cooled off for a few minutes and arrived back into the steam room. Once back in a cloud of hot steam, there was a thick silence in the room. Thick and uncomfortable, not so much because of me, but by the two Men (and a few others whom were also relaxing there as well). I made my way back to my original place ready to begin where I left off. I could have begun the exchange anew but I sensed that this was not the conversation either one of the Men wanted to continue with and I was obliged by keeping the peace since my purpose was to detox from the outside World and its madness.

As part of this CHANGE that America is desperately looking to become part of, I have to ask, IS IT READY? There is the Economy and the War, Race and Gender, Immigrants and Native Born, Sex and Sexuality, Age and the Elderly, Health and Sickness and then there are the conversations dealing with Religion. Can we really afford to deal with this HOT BUTTON issue rationally, especially when at its root, it has done so much damage to so many people around the World for centuries?

WHAT PRICE IMMORTALITY

To live forever.
What a price to pay,
for an eternity of happiness,
-- an infinity of sorrow.
To see the mountains rise
and glaciers
form.
Move.
Melt.
Break.
To ride continents
searching for jig sawed fixtures
to fit into nice and easy.

What a price for Love.
To do over and over and then
divorcing yourself from a life forever.
-- after each death.
Imagine all of your children
dying before you.
In your hands
generation after generation.
Can you imagine doing more in your lifetime
than an entire World?
Can you imagine living through
centuries of Alexander, Hannibal, Mohammed, Ming, Khan, and Attila?
Decades of knowing Jefferson, Lincoln, Roosevelt, Kennedy, Nixon, and Bush.
It’s like comparing a sun rise of 395 BC
to one of 1960 AD.
They all begin to look exactly alike,
all the blurred minor details.
It’s like meeting people in a large crowd,
the names all sound the same.
After awhile.

With all the other people you have known,
-- for millenniums,
you stop remembering them for
they are just minor characters
given cameo roles in life.
It's as autumn as autumn can be
when you feel that the faces that you never forgot,
begin looking like people you know.
And as much as the common phrase,
"You look like someone I know",
in your case it has more of a meaning
because it’s true.
You have met them before.
You have met everyone before
because you are living forever.

There is often a time,
in people's lives,
when ashes to ashes
and dust to dust,
bathes them in absence and obsolescence.
To you, these are just words
labeled for petty, self absorbed
primitive, self-indulged creatures of repetition.
Glorified obsequies.
Icons so empty
it echoes
in the void
of your soul.
Stone cold
and harden by the perfection of your living.
And your wisom due only to your existence in
the perfect age of Infinity.


What Price Immortality by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

BEFORE MINE EYES, I WATCHED

In the still of an evening young
the wind stopped and waited for something
to happen.
As if a life had hung
in the balance.

It pushed
its way through barriers unrelenting.
The Earth, strangled and choked, gasping for control
it fought for its most basic inner workings.
Shifting through objects too dense
shadows bent as light moved
aside
for an ancient confrontation
immense.
What saints for generations
proclaimed would soon begin,
The Time When Hell Attacked Heaven.

Breaking from the center of the World
an arrow of fire struck
deep into the heart of Angles.
And I heard their screams.
Hell had gashed deep into paradise.
And as the gate, which had seen
holy traffic for all of eternity
-- less than more in the past infinity,
contorted and melted by the intensity of Hell's passing.
Clouds, which paved the way to a spiritual bliss
were now tracked with footfalls of ash and brimstone.
Raining heavily upon their Earth,
soil saturated with bloodshed
spilt from Heaven.
Fair music from Heaven's soul became old song
crushed and laden with laughter played backwards.
Now the wisdom of truth,
and of the word,
rang loudly as it played in reverse.
An act countering the brilliance of light,
the succumbing of the absoluteness of the promise.
The war was total
taking no prisoners.
Hell had become the destroyer of merriment
for all the ages.

The final frontier;
The Palace of Creation,
the center of Eucharist,
the home of GOD,
stood in the balance.
Alone.
Knock Knock
And GOD’s door opened,
as Hell was invited in.
Then nothing.
Darkness
thicker now, causing silence.
Light
and the universe was divided in
Two.
For the Creator put all things back in order.
To replay the game of existence
all over again.


Before Mine Eyes, I Watched by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

HOW SEVEN YEAR OLD BOYS SING

Stick for stab
Jumpin grab
Getting the fuk out
Bitch muthafuk forget the shout
Got my piece
Bought not lease
Taggin
Mackin
It’s da real for real
Black all you know da deal

Flip bip an' pow
I got da raw shyt now
Cumin hard
I got yo sweet card
Slow whine down on me
I got da bling for you baby
Turn da ass around
And da around
Breakin yo back
Big Black yo Mac attack

Get wit my program
Oh damn
Like a rubba check
My Ho on deck
You betta be ready
Point yo shyt steady
My Glock on automatic
Fanatic
Nomadic
Top of da 9th Homerun Addict
I’m gonna bat it
Mad Hat it

I crush it like Hannibal
Man handled
Burnin you flammable
I got that work fo you
Unmoveable
Own da room on you
Titan true-able
Beyond liable
The Black Buck
Mack truck
Heavy Load drive
The Lord of light alive
Prison proof
Raisin da roof

I don’t play
I don’t play
Nigga I don’t play
Fuck yall Niggas
Get off my tip
an' go away
I da true Nigga
Multi-Million Figga
Breakin yo back
Big Black yo Mac attack

How Seven Year Olds Sing by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

RWANDAN TEARS

In a sea of faces
the untrained eye would blur
but in war torn Rwanda it’s a fight of the races.
Staring at thousands of pictures like a voyeur
it’s all that life has to offer
when looking through the unknowns in a parental posture.

Babies, just babies they are
ripped away and separated by bloodshed and fire.
From hills and arid lands near and far
Some held behind camp fences made from barbed wire
and still others
recruited by force to become mercenaries for heir.

Mothers plead and cry
in African chants and maternal care
praying to the Creator for theirs not to die
or not to be one of the many in the cold lonely air
where the wild had feast
and their small remains baking in a violent sun's glare.

Aunts and uncles share in the pursuit
as well as in the lost.
Generations corrupted by the future commute
across a nation at both spiritual and personal cost.
A task that will be done
in order to find their loved ones before a Death's chilling frost.

"No war in Africa was started by an African".


Rwandan Tears by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

I WALK TO BEAUTY

Scared for life,
in the cut.
Slashed deep,
deep deep inside
-- across the heart
but I didn’t die.
I cried
out loud to Hell and Heaven
moving evening clouds that hid full Moons
and stars that guided sailors and sin folk
to salvation.

I walked to beauty
beholden in mine eye
-- archangel
and fighting chances,
rolling moods,
I shock and shake up
baby mommas
and daddies daring
false dignities
while whistling for religious holiness
for help
for need
for my skin
the ugly up in blackberry pie slices
served up for those hungry for the beautiful
inner me
the see
in the free
allowed to be
spread like thin butter over crusts of hot bread
and left in the wind.
The cuts.
My ugly drying in the wind
harden like old scabs
-- this is the magnificence
an audacious acceptance of
a troubled spirit
that once knew love
that once knew me
in my beauty
in my pain
and in my
walk.


I Walk To Beauty by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim

GRANDMA'S SHINE

Grandma shined in my eyes.
An absolute shine that was in my heart,
in my soul.
She being in my head.
Grandma had a way of getting into my head.
A perception, I thought, beyond her age.
She knew when my actions were benevolent
and called to me with a smile.
I remember doing wrong
and she forgave me,
way before Ma and Pa ever knew.
She always did things like that.
She had a special gift.

Grandma would always buy me things.
Things that I didn't like
Things I didn't want.
Days, even months,
then years
later I would use them.
Grandma would know.
Grandma always knew.

I would send salutation
without words,
much the way I did when eating slices of Shoofly Pie
and glasses of milk delivered daily
--in the kitchen.
Her kitchen,
with patterned window curtains
and animal shaped pot holders,
checkered tiles and the aroma of cinnamon and chives.
Clean as creation, it was brilliant,
much like the sun.
Looking back,
the sun always seemed to shine
more brightly then.
Even when it rained.
I would sit there
quietly,
in the kitchen,
Grandma in the den.
Knitting.
We would talk for hours.
In silence.
Much the way we do now.
She in Heaven
-- and me,
basking in the light
of her beauty.
Her shine.
Talking up a storm
which would always turn
into rainbows.


Grandma's Shine by Shazza Nakim
Copyright © by Peace of Mind Publishings and with permission by Shazza Nakim